November 02, 2014

Books, Blogs, & Reality by Ryan Ringbloom PROMO Blitz

Books, Blogs, Reality by Ryan Ringbloom
New Adult Contemporary
Date Published: October 2014

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Life can suck…

When reality becomes overwhelming, seeking comfort in fictional fantasies keeps hope alive.  And while this escape may be a little delusional, it’s also therapeutic.

Sharing secrets is daunting, but virtual friends don’t often judge and they are always ready to share a glass of wine…or three…while typing out life’s latest endeavors.

Brooke believes obstacles only add to romance, not detract. Rachael longs for a more intense relationship, or so she thinks. Lizzie misses the excitement in her life, but sometimes new situations find you when you’re not even looking. And Jess believes a tiger can change his stripes. It can’t.

Bound by a shared passion for blogging about happily ever afters, these four young women use keyboard therapy to work through their expectations, anxieties, and inadequacies, all with the hopes of achieving the perfection found in romance novels.

Completely blinded by what they think life should be, they navigate their unique paths in search of what they envision is right. But when reality taunts them with persistent curve balls, will they be strong enough to choose wisely? Or will their happy endings escape them?

*Mature content 18+

October 19, 2014

There is no future in England's dreaming

Pic found here.
This is a story of a little girl who thought the future was going to be bright. 

And was met by darkness.

I was raised in a culture (country) where the common belief was that if you are good and you study hard, you will get a job and live a fairly comfortable life. We are not talking luxury here. Comfortable life. With a job that you've earned with your hard studying. 

I was raised by my parents which are still today very much in love. So, I've grown up with this idea that real love does exist. And most of my family friends are happily married after 25 years. It takes effort and patience and compromising.. but it exist. I saw and still see the proof of it. Me and my sister are the fruit of it. 

Of course as a little girl that I was, I thought that if I find something that I will love and enjoy immensely and I study hard for it, I will later get a job that I really enjoy doing. And no matter what kind of boyfriends I encounter in my teens, I will find someone that will be the one, lets say. That we are going to be like my parents.

I woke up in a good mood today. It was the readathon day! I couldn't participate in the last two because I was working long hours in the weekend and really there was no point in reading 30 pages and that's it. I wanted the whole experience and the joy that this event brings me every time. I was so excited for it this autumn. 

And then I got this assignment that is due next week. And I was sad, because I knew that I won't be able to do the readathon, because I have to study. Which I am. I decided to participate nonetheless, just instead of romance novels, to read scientific articles. 

I had to go to work as well. My colleague just became supervisor. Yesterday at work was bad.. but today, it was awful. I hate when people get a better position and then they get on this ego-trip thinking they know all the answers. Wtf? They start to behave differently and honestly, I don't feel like part of a team anymore. I feel like I have a bossy 19 years old girl telling me what to do. When, um, hello, I know. I was working with you for a month. If I still wouldn't know how to do my job by now, please fire me, cause apparently I am a moron.

I was pissed off. The whole evening. Apparently the manager noticed. She had a chat with me. Yeeey, love me little chats. Fuck. No. 

Anyway, whatever, but this situation reminded me of my job at the coffee shop and I got cold all over. I took it then, but hell no, I am not taking it now again. As I said, I really don't like too young girls on ego-trips. Just no. 

I got home and started reading more articles. And here is where things got tricky. I love psychology. But for once I wish things were just simply explained. Not complicated and with more questions than before I started. Gods, these articles. It's chaos. And nothing is definite. And after 10 articles.. I broke down.

I have no idea what I am going to write in my assignment. It's confusing and difficult and insane. And I hate it. Where did the "read the literature and write up what you've learnt" go? Because having 20 articles all defeating the theory of the previous one or the other way around isn't really helping, is it? Confusing. And tiring. 

And I think this was the moment where I finally realised what the problem is. The big picture. 

Slovenia, you failed me.

I always thought I would study in another city in the country and then decide if to move back to my hometown or stay in the city where I studied. Meet someone good, who does what is right and not what is easy, and be happy. My mother was 23 when she got married and had my sister.

And the economic crisis began. And the social crisis. And the crisis of my life.

We had this professor in my last year back home. She told us that we have to go abroad to build a future for ourselves. I thought she was exaggerating, but after some thoughts I figures she might be right. 

I applied to Edinburgh Uni - top 17 Universities in the world - and moved to Edinburgh. I thought, if I can just make it through this, I will have something really good, and then I can go back home and build that comfortable future for myself. 

It would be really laughable if I wasn't so incredibly sad right now. 

Don't you see? There is no future. 

Or at least not the one that I've imagined as that little girl full of aspirations and hopes for a better future. And I am not talking about "generation Y" here, I am talking about comfortable future. And that future is gone. 

I am working in hospitality. And believe me, after 9 years of seasonal working, I am freaking tired of it. I am tired that I get bossed around by people who don't even have a degree. While I have one. I am angry that, at 25, I am at the pick of my brain developing, and I am wasting my time doing a job I hate. I want to do something important that could improve people's lives, or use my brain in a more productive way. Anything that would make  me feel challenged. That would fulfil me in any way. 

And, the interpersonal relations crisis. Oh my god, I never knew growing up would suck so badly. Do people have no values left at all? All around me, everyone is just using people for that 2 minutes high. And I am like, really?!

I was born in the wrong century. 

And honestly.. I really don't see the point anymore. 

My dear Slovenia is fucked. Our government is so corrupted that I wonder how they are even alive, doing the things they are doing. The economy is going down. The interpersonal relations are going down too. 

And all I can think is.. I've wasted 2 years of my young age doing hospitality work so I could pay my University fees, and study and have something.. for all that something to crumble into nothing. Because, really, where would be the point of going back? To no job? When I invested nearly 3 years of my life and thousands of pounds earned with sweat and blood into it. All for that comfortable future. 

And all I can think is that alternative future that I missed because I chased the attainable. All to figure out that it was unattainable. 

And they say "hard work pays off". Hardly.

I feel so cheated. 

So, if this is this evolved and advanced society you were telling me to look forward when I was a little girl, I am telling you now, screw you. You and your awesomely evolved society.

Good night,

October 18, 2014

October 2014 24-hour Read-A-Thon is here! :)

Hiii there!!

It's nice to see you all again. I've missed the last two read-a-thons unfortunately, due to my job. Working weekends sucks. So this year I was so so happy that I could participate again! I always have a great time with you guys! I was really excited for this, and then.. I got this big assignment for Uni which is due next week. And I was like "bummer". And then I got the idea!! I have to read a lot of articles regarding the clinical neuropsychology of frontotemporal dementia, and I figured I should do just that! As much as I wish I could read romance novels today.. I will read scientific articles. And the read-a-thon is the best way to keep me motivated and keep reading!

1) What fine part of the world are you reading from today?
Edinburgh, Scotland! And today is sunny, so that's a bonus.

2) Which book in your stack are you most looking forward to?
Uh. Scientific articles are.. complicated and boring sometimes. But I am hoping to learn everything there is and write an awesome report by tomorrow! Ok.. the first draft would work just fine. 

3) Which snack are you most looking forward to?
Coffee. Lots of coffee.

4) Tell us a little something about yourself!
My name is Nea. I come from Slovenia, but I've moved to Scotland in 2012. I am doing a Master in Psychology of Individual Differences. I am in my second year and so far so good. I work part time as well. I actually have to go to work for few hours later on, but no worries, I will be back as soon as I can :)

5) If you participated in the last read-a-thon, what’s one thing you’ll do different today?
The readathon will be a bit different for me this time around. My studies, unfortunately in this case, have priority. So, scientific articles will be a different kind of challenge. And I am planning to read them all. 

You can find me on twitter@neabarabea
You can find me on Goodreads

Happy readathon people out there. I hope you are gonna have an incredible and unforgettable time. And good luck :) 

October 04, 2014

Being honest is the answer. Or it should be.

Beginnings, beginnings. 

You know the funny thing is that I thought that being honest from the start would make things ok. Apparently I was wrong. Or maybe I wasn't. If the other person was honest as well.. things might have been different. But they weren't. They aren't. And that sucks.

My sister always used to say that the beginnings are the best part of the relationship. And it's true. Everything is new and exciting and exhilarating and everything seems perfect. Sad thing is, I don't think I quite believe it anymore. Which makes me sad.

So, I met this guy. And when the night was over I told him that if he was searching for a one night stand the answer is no, I am not searching for that and if that was his intention, well the answer is no. And he said "Yeah I am not searching for that either". I was positively surprised to be honest. And we were texting each other and everything. It was quite nice. It lasted a week. And the day after, he was gone. As in like "text me later, ok?" And he disappeared. 

Which begs the question.. What the hell is going on?!

I can't help but wander, has this become a new mechanism of functioning in interpersonal relations in today's society? Let her believe that I am down to it and then just disappear? Because let me tell you right now, this isn't cool. Or ok. 

Because I beg to differ. Being honest from the beginning about what you want should be the point. As in like "yes, I totally want to commit to someone and see where it goes" or "No, I don't feel I am ready/not the right time/insert whatever you feel". That would be the right thing to do. And if you are confused about it, just say it. Do not lead someone to then just disappear. 

And this is the thing that pissed me off the most. If you tell me something then stay true to it. Or don't say it in the first place. Because honestly, you took away that choice from me. I will adapt to the situation. I will make choices based on the things that you tell me. And saying something that you don't really mean and then just ran off without saying a word totally takes that choice from me. Because I didn't really know, did I? How could have I?

So I am left with doubts, questions, and nonetheless, anger. I am angry. Because I thought we were heading into something. Until that someone decided we are not. Did I actually have a say in it? No. Is that ok? Fuck no.

My friend says it takes two people to do something. And I am like "Yeah, but I want to know what I am getting into". This isn't a bet where I am hoping to win. It's freaking reality and words which should count for something. I shouldn't be betting on someone not to coax me into something that I might want. I want someone to tell me how things actually are. I should be aware to a certain extend where this thing is going. Shouldn't I?

And you will say, it's complicated. Yes, it always is. But for fuck's sake, not like this. People should just be honest. It would solve so much. So so much. Because, really, with all the toys in the world, people shouldn't play with other people's emotions. 

I am not sure I put this down the way I wanted it, or if it's understood the way I want it to be. But this is how I feel and that's just it.

Until next time,

September 21, 2014

Dreams of being someone, reality of just being

And I am back in UK. Full of hopes and possibilities and new beginnings.

Ha. You know, maybe I should stop thinking that every really "developed" country is the best country to be. Maybe, just maybe I should start considering that every country is the same and that things are simply not as they used to be 20 years ago. Even though I wish they were. 

I am working in this restaurant. I decided that I won't go back to my old job and just find a new one, where they treat me as a human being and not as a machine. It was nice at the beginning. But today.. 13 hours shift. Holy shit, wasn't I running from this kind of stuff? I was. And obviously I ran toward the same shit. 

After a break of almost 2 months.. it was hard. And today everyone seemed stressed. I was too. I was trying to keep in mind that I love the floor and that everything is great but after almost 6 hours my brain fried up. Literally. I couldn't concentrate anymore, I was just bad. Needed a break for 10 minutes and I took it. Wrong move apperently.

Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes is sooo busy that you just can't. But like I said after almost 6 hours I was going insane. And still, I got told off.

All this got me thinking why I was so mad in the first place. You know, I always talk about how I hate society today. And I do. But today again I got this revelation while cleaning tables. Why am I cleaning tables when I have a degree and half of my master degree?! Why don't I do things that actually matter and help people?

The answer is actually quite simple. It's easy to get a job and it's good money. Because lets face it, who has the time and money to search for a proper job when the applications take you at least an hour or two to make and then you never hear back from them?! It's just annoying. 

And then at one moment I found myself almost crying because really? Do I need to do this kind of job? Shouldn't I be a psychologist in an office trying to solve people's problems?Whatever they are. Am I not studying for this? 

And all the time this thing kept playing out in my head.. What a sad world I was born into? I want cry for each and every one of us who are living in this sad excuse of a world we've been born into. They say knowledge is everything, and yet.. here I am. Willing to learn, willing to work hard just to have an actual purpose in life. To be given a chance to prove myself. With my knowledge and not just my ability to make an awesome coffee.

We are young, we are willing to learn, we are willining to work hard. All we need is a chance. Just a chance. 

But I guess capitalism isn't into chances. It's into people who know already what they are doing and how the system works. And here is where young people loose the battle. 

Until next time,

September 12, 2014

The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey Review

The 5th Wave 
The fifth Wave #1
by Rick Yancey
Published on May 7th 2013
Putman Juvenile, 480 pages

After the 1st wave, only darkness remains. After the 2nd, only the lucky escape. And after the 3rd, only the unlucky survive. After the 4th wave, only one rule applies: trust no one.

Now, it’s the dawn of the 5th wave, and on a lonely stretch of highway, Cassie runs from Them. The beings who only look human, who roam the countryside killing anyone they see. Who have scattered Earth’s last survivors. To stay alone is to stay alive, Cassie believes, until she meets Evan Walker.

Beguiling and mysterious, Evan Walker may be Cassie’s only hope for rescuing her brother—or even saving herself. But Cassie must choose: between trust and despair, between defiance and surrender, between life and death. To give up or to get up.

- description
"Don't you get it yet? The minute we decide that 
one person doesn't matter anymore, they've won."

The 5th wave is a book I've been meaning to read for a while now. And I am very happy I finally got around to it. And well, I kind of wished I would have read this sooner. This book is awesome!

Alien invasion!! Scary shit, but this book put the scary to a complete new level. 7 billion people died. I cannot even comprehend how big this number is. And not knowing anymore who is the enemy and how isn't was even scarier. 

Cassie is an incredible heroine. She is fierce and strong and she doesn't give up. She made promise to her brother and she has to live up to it. She has to. So she keeps surviving even when the odds are really bad. 

Ben Parish. The sweet football star boy. Becoming a soldier and ready to fight the enemy. But who is the enemy, really? 

This book is written in different points of view. Sometimes it was hard to understand what's going on. Actually, till more than half of the book I still didn't know who the actual enemy was. Intriguing. 

Overall though, I wish there was more to the story. I had a feeling this book was just a pre-sequel to the actual story. The battlefield is laid out and the big battle is yet to begin. I am looking forward to read the sequel. 

Fans of dystopia and post apocalyptic stories will love The 5th wave. I know I did.

September 07, 2014

Third Degree by Julie Cross Review

Third Degree 
by Julie Cross
Published on March 25th 2014
Flirt, 240 pages

Fans of Monica Murphy and Tammara Webber will savor this New Adult novel—a story about coming of age in the heat of the moment—from Julie Cross, the internationally bestselling author of the Tempest trilogy.

I used to be “Isabel Jenkins, child prodigy.” As lame as that sounds, at least it was an identity. But now I’m not sure what I am. I just failed the most important exam of my life—the emotional readiness test required to get into a medical residency program—and it turns out my parents can’t stand each other. Now I’m trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces of my life, and that means re-enrolling as a college freshman, but this time I’m shutting the books and majoring in being eighteen.

But so far, my roommate hates me and I’m not into the party scene. The only good thing about school has been getting to know my insanely hot RA. Marshall Collins makes me wonder about everything I missed while I was growing up too fast. Pretty soon we’re hanging out constantly, but for the first time, I find myself wanting more than a no-strings-attached physical relationship. And the lesson I really need is one Marsh definitely can’t teach me: love. Because I’m going to be alone forever if I don’t learn fast.


Woah, this book was really something different. And all this has to go to the badass main character. Izzy is SUPER smart. As in credibly smart. Her mind was an incredible place to be. So many informations, so many statistics and probabilities and haha, awkwardness when it came to interpersonal relations. It was funny.

Izzy is 18 and she is a doctor. She is super smart, but emotionally she is.. well, very particular. When she fails the emotional readiness exam and her dream of the medical residency program falls in the water, she is lost. Then she decides to go to College again. To live in campus and do ordinary things like peers her age. The challenge of her life.

Marsh is a sweet guy. Attentive, caring and nice. He is also hiding a secret. A secret that will connect him to Izzy even more.

This story was a fresh thing in the New Adult genre. It was something different and I really enjoyed that. This book is about figuring out who you are, coming of age, falling in love and finding out what is really important in life. So, if you are searching for something like this.. Third degree is the perfect book for you!

September 02, 2014

The Geography of You and Me by Jennifer E. Smith Review

The Geography of You and Me 
by Jennifer E. Smith
Published on April 15th 2014
Poppy, 337 pages

Lucy and Owen meet somewhere between the tenth and eleventh floors of a New York City apartment building, on an elevator rendered useless by a citywide blackout. After they're rescued, they spend a single night together, wandering the darkened streets and marveling at the rare appearance of stars above Manhattan. But once the power is restored, so is reality. Lucy soon moves to Edinburgh with her parents, while Owen heads out west with his father.

Lucy and Owen's relationship plays out across the globe as they stay in touch through postcards, occasional e-mails, and -- finally -- a reunion in the city where they first met.

A carefully charted map of a long-distance relationship, Jennifer E. Smith's new novel shows that the center of the world isn't necessarily a place. It can be a person, too.

- description

I absolutely love Jennifer E. Smith's books!! Her writing and her stories are so unique and sweet and special. Everytime she writes another book I cannot wait to get my hands on it. Her unique covers and long titles are adorable.

This story is about a boy and girl who met in New York during a blackout of electricity in the city. They spend the night together under the sky full of stars talking about life, places, themselves. They connect. And then they go separate ways.

Lucy is a sweet, quiet girl. Her parents leave her alone most of the time because they travel a lot. She loves to explore the city of New York. But she also deeply desires to travel the world. Finally her dreams come true. Her family is moving to England! 

Owen's mother passed away. It is only his father and him. They are having a roadtrip through US, because his dad has troubles finding work. Owen feels responsible for his dad, because the passing of his mother was a huge tragedy for both of them. And they are trying to cope best as they can. 

It was so so sweet how Lucy's story and Owen's story kept entwining in the story. They send each other postcards of every city they've been in. Sending sweet short messages to each other. So very sweet. I loved it! 

The Geography of you and me is filled with hope, wishes, loss, changes and everything in between. I would recommend it to every young (and not so young) adult out there. 

August 28, 2014

Reasonable Doubt: Volume 1,2,3 by Whitney Gracia Williams Review

Reasonable Doubt: Volume 1,2,3 
by Whitney Gracia Williams
Published in May & August 2014

My cock has an appetite. 

A huge and very particular appetite: Blonde, curvy, and preferably not a fucking liar...(Although, that's a story for another day.)

As a high profile lawyer, I don't have time to waste on relationships, so I fulfill my needs by anonymously chatting and sleeping with women I meet online. 

My rules are simple: One dinner. One night. No repeats. 

This is only casual sex. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

At least it was , until "Alyssa"...

She was supposed to be a 27 year old lawyer, a book hoarder, and completely unattractive. She was supposed to be someone I shared law advice with late at night, someone I could trust with details of my weekly escapades. 

But then she came into my firm for an interview--a college-intern interview, and everything fucking changed...

- description

I've been thinking. For me it's near impossible to write a review of 3 separate parts of the same story. Especially when the second one starts where the first one ends and same for the third. So I thought I should just write one review of the story as a whole. And quite honestly with the huge impact this story had on the blogosphere I shall believe this story will be soon published as a one whole book. Let's wait and see :)

Where to begin? OMG OMG OMG this story!! I am a fan. LOVED the first part, fell deeply in love this the second one and was eagerly waiting for the third one to come out. This story is intriguing, pulling your hair crazy, and sometimes so intense that you want to scream. Yes, this is what Whitney Garcia Williams will bring out of you while reading the story of Aubrey and Andrew. 

Aubrey. Sweet, young Aubrey is doing a double major in Ballet and Law. Intense. Her dreams are to become a ballerina, but her parents want for her to pursue a more "real" career. She got herself an internship in a law firm. But she could have never imagined that the guy she's been talking everything on the phone for the past months would work there. 

Andrew. Hot, sexy, infuriating and alpha male. He also happen to hate lies. Lie one time, lie about it all. When he figures out that the girl on the interview is the same girl that claimed her name was Alyssa and that she was 27 and a lawyer, he is completely blown away. Not in a good way.

The story becomes intriguing and sometimes little insane. But underneath all the lies, they still share this deep attraction and connection. And noone is willing to give it up. But the road to happiness is a difficult one. Will they make it?

Forget Fifty shades of gray, this story is made of awesome! The characters are complicated, the road to love is even more complicated, but I will assure you now, the trip is going to be so so worth it. And the hot scenes in between are hot as hell. This story will blow your mind.

August 27, 2014

Reasonable Doubt: Volume Three by Whitney Garcia Williams Book Blitz

Reasonable Doubt Banner

Reasonable Doubt: Volume Three
by Whitney Gracia Williams
Reasonable Doubt #3
Publication Date: August 26th 2014 
Genres: ContemporaryEroticaNovellaRomance
Find the title on: Amazon - Nook - Goodreads

Synopsis: I hate him...

I hate that I fell in love with him, hate that he didn't love me back, and I hate the fact that I just made a life-altering decision just so I could get the hell away from him.

He'd always said that he was unchangeable, heartless, and cold...

I really should've believed him...

Final book in the Reasonable Doubt series...

Also in the series:

About Whitney Gracia Williams

A self diagnosed candy addict, travel junkie, and hypochondriac, Whitney Gracia Williams LOVES to write about characters that make you laugh, cry, and want to (in the case of Selena Ross) reach through your Kindle and slap them. She is the "imaginary bestselling" author of the Jilted Bride Series, Mid Life Love, Wasted Love, and Captain of My Soul. When she's not locked inside her room, feverishly typing away on her laptop, she can be found here: She also loves getting emails from her readers, so if you want to tell her how much you loved (or hated) her stories, email her at

Website • Blog • Twitter • Facebook • Goodreads

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OMG OMG OMG, I am so soooo excited for this last instalment!! Been waiting for it since May and I can't wait to devour this book till the very end.

August 05, 2014

What is the difference between gossip and judging?

I started watching Gossip Girl and I've become obsessed. I. Love. It.

So, today I met up with my friends from home and we had a drink together. It was awesome. It is also interesting how much stuff changes when you are gone over a year. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot about what's going on at home when I am gone, and I still get the juicy gossip when I am on holidays. But it is interesting how much get to know when you are staying at home for more than two weeks. It's fucking awesome.

Another two friends of a friend joined in. And we talked about everyone we know. What's been going on, who's with who, who's working where, who left the country, who decided to study something else.. you know, gossip. And we were laughing like crazy. My friend kept saying some random hilarious comments and we were cracking like crazy. And obviously my occasional "Wtf, he/she is still alive?!" - when you are gone for such a long time that's a given. It was fun. So much fun.

But then this friend of friend started talking about this particular guy. And she talked for ages. Like really, 2 hours at least. And all I could think of was, oh my god, I want to cut my veins. I was soooo bored. And annoyed. But I couldn't find a way to say "Uh, hello?! You are being annoying, can you just stop talking?" And God, she talked. If I could have left, I would have had. Because that was just... ugh. I would have gotten drunk!! But I couldn't, because I said I would drive my friends home. And my friends just wouldn't want to leave. They kept ordering drinks and I was so bored. I actually started reading a book in between. Because, really.

So, it made me wonder.. What is the line between fun gossip between girl and ill gossip - straight judging, accusing and attacking people?

I have a degree in Psychology. And like most of people I think I know where the line stands, as in when someone tells me something I know what is gossip and what is meant to stay just with me. You don't go around telling people what someone trusted you with. You just don't. As well as you don't go and tell random people for two hours how your boyfriend treated you. It's just wrong. You tell it to your best friends, not random people. I mean, I get it, you are hurt, but two hours, really? And it's been almost a year that they broke up. 

By the end of it my head was hurting and all I wanted was to go home and away from that girl. Geeeez. I wish I had the power, and screw the social norms, to tell her to just stop talking alltogether. But I didn't. Plus, I knew the guy she was talking about and I felt bad just listening to it. 

And it makes me wonder... what was the point of all of it? Do I hate the guy now all of a sudden? No. Do I entirely believe her? No. Did I feel sorry for her? Mehh, I am not sure. For most of the time I thought that's what she wanted me to feel. But I just couldn't muster it. Not really. My friends did, though. Whatever.

What I am trying to say is... People out there, please, be careful when you talk to people. There are things you can say only to the people you trust and you know they will understand you and where you are coming from. Random people won't. Or will choose not to. Or, I don't know. And especially when talking about a mutual acquaintance. Sadly, people most of the time take sides. And it might happen you are on the wrong one. Or, I don't know. But, to avoid certain uncomfortable situations, think about what you want to say and most about what you don't want to say. 

Fun (short) gossip is great, but judging and complaining about someone for who and what he/she is, is something else. Be aware to know the difference. 

Until next time,

July 13, 2014

Does magic really happen outside of your comfort zone?

So, I've been thinking.. Is walking out of your comfort zone really that better and awesome and incredible?

I gave my notice today. The job that I've been in for the last year. A year. And I pretty much hated it. The relationships, the attitude, the environment. To sum it up, lets just say it was awful. But I did it. All for Uni, all in the name of science. And in the end of the day, it did pay for most of my Uni fees. But God, I paid in blood this Uni. I will keep the scars on my body for the rest of my life, saying "Yeah, this was all for my Master degree".

But you know the funny thing? I didn't feel awesome or great, or invincible. Instead I felt sad. And kind of nostalgic. And guilty. Which is stupid cause I haven't had a break since last August. Work work work, Uni work, Uni work, work work work, Uni Uni, work work. And I am burning out. So when I broke down, I made a decision. I am going home and I am having a break from all of it. Cause if I don't do it now, I will burn out in September. And who wants to start a semester all burned out? In the end it's all for Uni, all in the name of science. But if I have no energy left.. where is the point?

But what I am actually trying to say is.. Going back home to what is known and being surrounded by people that I love.. is Comfort zone really such a bad thing? 

I love my friends. God, I have the best friends in the world. They know the best of me and the worst of me and they still love me. They accept me for who I am. And I would be seriously lost in the world without them. They are my Comfort zone. And I am happy there. 

So I've been thinking, all this moving away many times, just to see if on the other side of the wall will be better.. was it really that better? Yeah, I've gained experience and met new people. But the funny thing is that I still search for them around the world. I am searching for my friends and their acceptance and love. I am searching for the same people on different sides of the world. And yeah, I have a job which pays me (for me) lots of money.. but at what cost?

What I really want to say is, putting all this on a scale, I don't know if it was worth it. Yes, I am in one of the best Universities in the world. I've made it by myself. I am proud of it. But am I happy? No. 

I've always tried to find happiness in little things. I still do. But with my job and the Uni work all I felt was stressed. And pissed off. Grumpy. Always thinking about saving money for Uni, being a good person, trying my best in exams, surviving in a work environment that repress people for being people. And at the same time thinking "This was your dream, this is what you wanted".And believe me, it's really tiring to be constantly pissed off. At myself, at the job, at Uni, at life. Maybe I should have found a different job sooner. Or maybe.. I don't know. But all I feel is staying in bed for a month. 

So I am going back to my Comfort zone. My precious Comfort zone. And believe me, I can already feel the magic. I am going back home to remember who I am. Cause seriously, this constantly pissed off person is not who I am. I can't wait to be surrounded by people who love me and be finally me again. To remember what is important, what really matters. And I know I will find it in there. 

Until next time,

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