I wish the world would understand how I feel.

I wish the world would understand how I feel. I wish there was a place where I could be just me and feeling how I am feeling and them to be ok with it. I wish I felt safe. 

Because, really. People ask you how you feel, but the truth is, most of them don't really want to know. "How are you?" "Oh, you know.. I feel very down these days, and I wish I could just stay in bed and do nothing. Not because I am lazy or anything, but just because I feel like I have no energy left to give, you know?" "Uh..".  So you don't say it, because people don't really know how to react to that. Instead you say the common everyday lie "I am fine."

And God forbids you are not 100% mentally present at work. Oh my God, because what do you answer to the question "Ok, what is wrong with you these days?" I feel down? I am so stressed with assignments, but still when I sit down to write them down I feel like doing anything else? I miss my family? I want to go home? I wish I had someone by my side who understands me and supports me on times like this? I just wish I could run away and never come back?

I wish corporations today would threat me like a human being, and not like a machine. I have feelings and I have my down days. Don't we all? I wish I lived in a world where you don't have to be so scared of making mistakes. Because sometimes they happen. I wish society could understand that. I wish I could feel safe and have a sense that I am enough.

Until next time,

Top Ten Things On My Bookish Bucket List

It's Top 10 Tuesday (hosted at The Broke and the Bookish) and the topic is:  
Top Ten Things On My Bookish Bucket List

1. Write a dystopian book. 

I am starting a 10-weeks course for Creative Writing and I am really excited!

2. Have my review cited in a book :)

This one would be a pretty badass one!

3. One day, to attend BEA

Oh, the dream.

4. Meeting Jennifer L. Armentrout

Because lets face it, her books are just pure awesomeness.

5. Get a bookshelf

Really, its about time. My two shelves are full and I keep putting books on and I swear one of these days it's gonna reach the celling. Uh huh.

6. Meet John Green

Because this guy is just awesome.

7. Join a book club

I thought once I'd move to UK this will be a pretty easy thing to do. Well... 

8. Have more allnighters 

I just love reading all night and finishing the book in the morning! It brings me joy. But these days I am so busy with Uni or I have to go to work that this seems just impossible :/

9. Get a physical ARC

That's still a dream I have.

10. Read Harry Potter

I bought the first three books a few months ago. Getting there :)

What's on your bookish bucket list? :)

Consequences by Aleatha Romig Review

Consequences
Consequences #1
by Aleatha Romig
Published on August 5th 2011
Xlibris Corporation, 368 pages
Find the title on Goodreads - BookDepository - Amazon

Anthony Rawlings had a plan—to teach Claire Nichols to behave.

Claire Nichols had a plan—to survive!

In an unfamiliar bedroom within a luxurious mansion, Claire Nichols wakes to memories of a brutal abduction. All of her recollections have one common denominator, the man she just met—Anthony Rawlings. Unbeknownst to Claire, Anthony has had her in his sights for a long time. Every action has consequences—and his actions resulted in their chance meeting. 

Facing incomprehensible circumstances, Claire must learn to survive as she comes to terms with her new reality—every aspect of her livelihood is now dependent upon the tall, dark-haired, dark-eyed tycoon. Anthony may appear to the world as a prosperous, benevolent, kind businessman, but in reality Claire learns he is also a menacing, controlling captor with very strict rules: do as your told, public failure is not an option, and don’t divulge private information. Failure to follow these rules and more, are met with serious consequences.

In an effort to earn her freedom, Claire learns her lessons well and before long, she unknowingly captivates her captor. Anthony/ Tony reluctantly becomes enthralled with Claire’s beauty, resilience and determination. Their interaction instigates strong emotions, including—fear, anger, love, and lust—as their journey flows into uncharted waters of intrigue and passion. 

From the opening criminal abduction, through the twists and turns, to the unlikely romantic thrills, the suspense climaxes as Aleatha Romig utilizes vivid detail, allowing this novel to unfold like a movie. 

Can you put the pieces of the puzzle together? Claire Nichols abduction wasn’t a random act—did she learn her lessons well enough? Will these unlikely lovers remain true--or will she learn the truth before it’s too late?

- Goodreads.com description

I got this book for review in December 2012. I was excited and intrigued by the title. And then I started reading this dark story and.. I couldn't bear it. I felt so uncomfortable and helpless. In the next moment I felt such a strong feeling of rage. And then helpless again. And almost to the half way through, I could not bare it any more. I just couldn't. I thought that maybe I need time... that I will get back to it, but sadly, or not so sadly, I won't. 

In the time of reading I found myself in a state of "I need a break. This book is killing my ego, my self-esteem and my me-being-a-woman. Broken heart". I remember while reading that I was just so incredibly sad. In one moment I even found myself sobbing and crying so badly, because this book is written so good, that you actually feel what Clare is feeling like it would be happening to you. And Clare's story isn't a shiny sunshine one. It's dark and full of pain and fear, and quite honestly, confusion. 

Tony. Oh my god, I don't even know what to say. I hated him. I so hated him. But not like your average villain in books, but with a passion that I didn't even know was possible to feel. He made me feel like I am trapped and helpless.

And so when the story started to shift to some kind of twisted love story I stopped and said "Hell, no. No. NO." I have a degree in psychology and I am woman and this is wrong on so many level I cannot even muster it. I stopped and after a year I still can't manage to pick it up again. Probably never will.

So, I don't know what to say.. I would recommend you to go on Goodreads and check the reviews there. A lot of people were really intrigued and amazed by this book. It has high ratings as well. So, I'll go with, make up your own mind about it ;) 

DNF

Did you read it?? Tell me your thoughts, please.

Foreplay by Sophie Jordan Review

Foreplay
The Ivy Chronicles #1
by Sophie Jordan
Published on November 5th 2013
William Morrow, 320 pages
Find the title on Goodreads - BookDepository - Amazon

Before she goes after the life she’s always wanted, she’s about to find the one she needs. 

Pepper has been hopelessly in love with her best friend’s brother, Hunter, for like ever. He’s the key to everything she’s always craved: security, stability, family. But she needs Hunter to notice her as more than just a friend. Even though she’s kissed exactly one guy, she has just the plan to go from novice to rock star in the bedroom—take a few pointers from someone who knows what he’s doing.

Her college roommates have the perfect teacher in mind. But bartender Reece is nothing like the player Pepper expects. Yes, he’s beyond gorgeous, but he’s also dangerous, deep—with a troubled past. Soon what started as lessons in attraction are turning both their worlds around, and showing just what can happen when you go past foreplay and get to what’s real…

- Goodreads.com description

I really liked this book! I loved Sophie Jordan's Firelight serie and I've read some of her adult books as well. I like her writing. So, ofcourse I was really intrigued by her New Adult book Foreplay. And lets admit it, the title rocks.

Pepper was a good main character. She is one of those good girls, you know? She's been in love with her best friend's brother for ages. She was just waiting for him to notice her. And then she came up with a plan. She will find a guy to teach her foreplay. Because then she will be more experienced and getting Hunter will get easier. The plan was good I must say. But, she didn't take into consideration the hot bartender that she picked as her teacher. 

Reece turns out not to be such a player as she first thought. He is responsible, nice, loyal, very hot and lets put it straight, a good guy. So, ofcourse things get complicated. 

Pepper is filled with mixed emotions. She is torn between what she always thought she needed and what she actually wants and needs. And with all that, she is hunted by the demons of her past. Intriguing. This book was good. It was fairly easy to understand the choices that Pepper's made. Considering everything she's been through.. But our Reece is fierce and doesn't give up easily.

Foreplay is a great New Adult story. I enjoyed it immensely while reading. The plot wasn't really predictable and the characters were well built and with a lot of background. I liked that. So, if you are searching for a really good New Adult contemporary romance, filled with struggle, hopes, hot scenes, determination and some interesting twists, then Foreplay is the perfect book for you!

Shattered by Teri Terry Review

Shattered
Slated #3
by Teri Terry
Published on March 6th 2014
Orchard books, 402 pages
Find the title on Goodreads - BookDepository - Amazon

The riveting finale of the Slated trilogy!

A thought-provoking psychological thriller set in a disturbingly plausible future where the government and its enemies compete to control the minds of the young.

Kyla is in danger from both the government Lorders who erased her memory and the terrorists who tried to use her. So now she’s on the run. Sporting a new identity and desperate to fill in the blank spaces of her life pre-Slating, Kyla heads to a remote mountain town to try to reunite with the birth mother she was kidnapped from as a child. There she is hoping all the pieces of her life will come together and she can finally take charge of her own future. But even in the idyllic wilderness and the heart of her original family, Kyla realizes there is no escape from the oppressive Lorders. Someone close to her may be one of them, and even more frighteningly, her birth mother has been keeping secrets of her own.

In this stunning series finale, Kyla finally finds out who she really is, and the road to this discovery, and to deciding who she wants to become, is full of dangerous twists and turns that will keep readers riveted.

- Goodreads.com description

"That's enough, Riley."

"No, it's not. Not nearly enough; nothing is ever said."

Holy shit. Through the first half of the book I could't help myself but wonder, how will Teri Terry wrap it all up in so little time and space? Man, I was so wrong. She's done it perfectly. SO perfectly I was speechless till the end. Well, with the occasional crying and sobbing. Cause I did cry. This is one of the best dystopian books I've ever read. And that's a fact.

Kyla. Rain. Lucy. Riley. I'll stick with Kyla. This girl, I cannot believe all that she went through and she was still standing. We can call it courage, but I will call it determination. Wow. Really, Kyla in this book was totally badass. Gone is the scared girl full of doubts and fears. In this book we are faced with a Kyla who is strong, determinated, courageous, brave, smart and still fast at running. 

I actually changed my mind about the boy.. and that doesn't happen often ;)

The writing was stunning! And so realistic. Really, I could see it in my mind. Everything, and let me tell you, it was pretty terrifying. I could feel my heart beating so fast, the adrenaline pumping through my body and the feeling was as scary as it was exhilarating! And I quite forgot how amazing it feels to look at the clock and see it 5am and not being bothered about it at all. Some thing are worth it. And Shattered definitely is!

Shattered is an amazing conclusion to an amazing trilogy! Slated was awesome, Fractured was incredible, but Shattered takes the whole serie to a whole new level. So, if you haven't yet picked this serie up, I highly suggest you to do it ASAP! It's goddamn worth it!!

Success Through Manipulation: Subconscious Reactions That Will Make Or Break You by Colin Christopher Review

Success Through Manipulation: Subconscious Reactions That Will Make You Or Break You
by Colin Christopher
Published on January 11th 2013
Manchester House Publishing, 260 pages
Find the title on Goodreads - BookDepository - Amazon

First of all, this book isn't about how to manipulate other people, but how to manipulate your own thoughts and get a better outcome in a situation.

I got this book last year for review. I was really excited about it and couldn't wait to read it! So, I started reading it and in the beginning of the book, there was this exercise "Identify your habits. What have you learned to do that you no longer think about but do automatically? What portion of you day is spent performing habitual behaviours and what portion is spent learning new experiences?" Funny thing happens when you actually write it down. Oh my God, I couldn't believe it. Everything that I do on daily basis is a habit. Automatically. I kept staring at the list and the more a stared the more pissed off I was. I was so mad and determined to change stuff that I consciously started thinking about it and pick other ways to walk to work, going to different stores to buy stuff, going to different coffee shops to get my coffee.. I was mad at the book too. This is also the reason why I picked it back up after so long. Call it willingness to disagree with the facts or whatever. I was just so shocked that everything in my daily life was so automatic that I felt so insignificant and plain boring. I projected my anger on the book, and after months I figured it wasn't really the book, but me. This book is good.

This book was about overcoming difficulties that we face in everyday life. To understand what the actual problem is and how to program our unconsciousness to develop another, better, outcome. It was also very good at giving an insight of the basics of the problem we face daily. It's interesting, cause you think you are doing something because of something or because you think you want to, but in reality is that you are doing something because for a completely different reason (that you usually don't completely understand). Each chapter of this book covers a specific Law of Manipulation. Every chapter defines the Law and gives you background information to help you understand the actual Law. It discusses how conventional and unconventional thinkers react to and/or use the Law. On the end of every chapter, you find thought manipulation action steps that you can take to critically apply the Law to your own situation and change your thinking. Sometimes is easy, most of the times is really hard (as you've read in the second paragraph). 

The thing that I liked the most about this book was that it explains really well how our unconsciousness reads the language. You might have heard about it, or you might have not. So basically, our unconsciousness doesn't understand negation. We all use opposite language. That's a fact. And here comes the problem. When you say "Don't be nervous, you are not going to fail this", what is actually translated to you unconsciousness is "Be nervous, you are going to fail this", the combination of language and imagines imprinted on your unconsciousness will push you further to be nervous and thinking of failing. This is a powerful tool and you have the power to change it. This book explains in very details how to prevent this kind of thoughts. And I think it's great. Because really, how many times do you say to yourself "Don't panic" or "Don't be afraid" or "I am not going to fail this exam"? Loads. And here is your solution. Stop using opposite language. Don't get me wrong, it's a hard habit to break. But if you start paying attention to it, I am sure you can work it out.

What I was critical about in this book was how sometimes it felt like unconventional thinkers were this special people who have it all figured it out and emotions don't really affect them. How they can always stay calm in stressful situations and react rationally. While the conventional thinkers were perceived as people who all too easily fall into bad habits and not so wise behaviours. Or that they didn't perceived success as the main goal. I didn't agree with it sometimes. In stressful situations it's hard to stay calm, and sometimes it's good to let our emotions control us. It makes us feel alive. In the end of the day, we are all human beings. I guess what I want to say is, if we keep wanting more and more and more success, will we be ever truly satisfied with life? This may be my mechanism of defence talking, but I think feeling content with yourself and your life is very important. 

My favourite thought in this book was "When you believe something completely, it does not matter what the reality of a situation is. The belief will override reality". This is a powerful statement and it's called The Law of Dominant Belief. I loved this chapter! I used to believe in so many stuff while I was younger and surprisingly, or not so surprisingly according to this chapter, my beliefs always came true. I don't know what exactly happened during my journey to make me question things and stop believing that strongly in things that I want. I think it's time to reconsider. And start believing more.

Regarding the psychology department, this book has a very practical value when it comes to hypnotherapy and unconsciousness dynamics. And it covers all the Laws that I can think of. For example The Law of language translation, of triggers, of association, of reverse effect, of false memory, of visualization, of subliminal conditioning, of the comfort zone, of will power, of labels and so much more. The author is knowledgeable and has a lot of experience regarding the subject. There are also case studies at the end of the book, which I found very useful. 

The key message of Success Through Manipulation is that people can overcome their problems and achieve their goals using different techniques of coping or reprograming their thoughts. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It takes time and effort, but if you are willing to fight for it and believe in yourself along the way, you are going to succeed.

Reference:
Christopher, C. (2012). Success Through Manipulation: Subconscious Reactions That Will Make Or Break You. Manchester House Publishing. Manchester.