August 05, 2014

What is the difference between gossip and judging?

I started watching Gossip Girl and I've become obsessed. I. Love. It.

So, today I met up with my friends from home and we had a drink together. It was awesome. It is also interesting how much stuff changes when you are gone over a year. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot about what's going on at home when I am gone, and I still get the juicy gossip when I am on holidays. But it is interesting how much get to know when you are staying at home for more than two weeks. It's fucking awesome.

Another two friends of a friend joined in. And we talked about everyone we know. What's been going on, who's with who, who's working where, who left the country, who decided to study something else.. you know, gossip. And we were laughing like crazy. My friend kept saying some random hilarious comments and we were cracking like crazy. And obviously my occasional "Wtf, he/she is still alive?!" - when you are gone for such a long time that's a given. It was fun. So much fun.

But then this friend of friend started talking about this particular guy. And she talked for ages. Like really, 2 hours at least. And all I could think of was, oh my god, I want to cut my veins. I was soooo bored. And annoyed. But I couldn't find a way to say "Uh, hello?! You are being annoying, can you just stop talking?" And God, she talked. If I could have left, I would have had. Because that was just... ugh. I would have gotten drunk!! But I couldn't, because I said I would drive my friends home. And my friends just wouldn't want to leave. They kept ordering drinks and I was so bored. I actually started reading a book in between. Because, really.

So, it made me wonder.. What is the line between fun gossip between girl and ill gossip - straight judging, accusing and attacking people?

I have a degree in Psychology. And like most of people I think I know where the line stands, as in when someone tells me something I know what is gossip and what is meant to stay just with me. You don't go around telling people what someone trusted you with. You just don't. As well as you don't go and tell random people for two hours how your boyfriend treated you. It's just wrong. You tell it to your best friends, not random people. I mean, I get it, you are hurt, but two hours, really? And it's been almost a year that they broke up. 

By the end of it my head was hurting and all I wanted was to go home and away from that girl. Geeeez. I wish I had the power, and screw the social norms, to tell her to just stop talking alltogether. But I didn't. Plus, I knew the guy she was talking about and I felt bad just listening to it. 

And it makes me wonder... what was the point of all of it? Do I hate the guy now all of a sudden? No. Do I entirely believe her? No. Did I feel sorry for her? Mehh, I am not sure. For most of the time I thought that's what she wanted me to feel. But I just couldn't muster it. Not really. My friends did, though. Whatever.

What I am trying to say is... People out there, please, be careful when you talk to people. There are things you can say only to the people you trust and you know they will understand you and where you are coming from. Random people won't. Or will choose not to. Or, I don't know. And especially when talking about a mutual acquaintance. Sadly, people most of the time take sides. And it might happen you are on the wrong one. Or, I don't know. But, to avoid certain uncomfortable situations, think about what you want to say and most about what you don't want to say. 

Fun (short) gossip is great, but judging and complaining about someone for who and what he/she is, is something else. Be aware to know the difference. 

Until next time,

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