October 25, 2012

Decisions, decisions

Good god, growing up really sucks sometimes. Don't get me wrong these are my dreams.. it's just, now that they are almost here, it's scaring the shit out of me. 

I suck. Really. I mean, I want this. I do. Badly. But when I saw the ticket on Ryanair - which was so freaking cheap - for London in 19 days - 19 days! - and I am freaking out. 

I'm all suddenly OMG OMG what if something happens in London? What if I won't see my friends there on Friday night? What if I won't know where will it be the premiere of Breaking Dawn part 2?! What if I won't find the bus to Edinburgh? 

Edinburgh. Oh. My. Freaking. God. What if I won't be able to stay at that friend's house till I find an apartment? What if I won't find a nice, cheap apartment? Or room, for the matter. What if I won't find a job?! 

Yes, I am freaking out. And yes, I am exaggerating. But hey, going into the unknown isn't easy. Also true, that I've always hated easy. Geeez, sometimes I would just love to give myself a break.  

On the other hand.. I've been waiting for this for the past 3 months. Hell, I've been waiting for this since I applied to the University of Edinburgh. I should just book the ticket and suck it up. Yeah, that would be the best thing. But I need to wait the reply of my friend, so I will know I have a place to stay for a week in London. Ahh, well, it's a good thing I work well under pressure. :P

I will figure it out. I still have 19 days which is a lot. Figuratively speaking. Or whatever.

This question has been on my mind since I've got my degree a couple of weeks ago. I finished a chapter in my life. Waiting for something to begin. And nothing did. I felt like I was in this space in between. And this is my chance for the new chapter of my life. I am ready. As ready as I'll ever be. Freaking out a little bit, but nonetheless ready. I'm done with this being in between. I want my life to start.

So many possibilities are ahead of me and I sure as hell, won't chicken out now. I've work hard for this. Hell, I've worked two jobs this summer for this. For a possibility to start over. I should pull myself together and start organizing my life. Make some kind of closure or something.

Yes. I am ready.

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