September 04, 2015

We are never ever ever getting back together

Farewell Edinburgh. Farewell.

This is unbelievable. I cannot believe this journey has finally reached the end line. And today, I crossed it. It's done.

It has been almost 3 years since I left home form my quest to study at the University of Edinbugh. 3 weeks ago I handed in my Masters thesis. Still feels surreal sometimes, when I think of it. I did it.

And now I am leaving Edinburgh behind. You'd think I'd be so happy I could fly, to be able to finally leave, but I am not sure I feel this way. I am happy that is over, but I think I will need some time to adjust that this is over.

I was in such state of panic today. Proper blow out panic. A lot of things happened in the last month and I tried hard to stay organized, but doh. I managed though, somehow.

So many things left behind, and I don't know. I will miss my friends and Uni. The parties too. Not the work though. I will miss it all.

They were anouncing that we were about to land in Copenhagen, when it suddenly hit me »I am never coming back to Edinburgh to stay«, I will only go on holidays. After Denmark is over I am not going back to Edinburgh. I am not going back. The realisation was startling – where will I go? Which is a little ridiculous I know, but hell, I wondered.. if I am not going back, where will I go? And what on earth am I doing in Denmark? This is the eastest Europe I have ever been, and I know that people are nice if you need help they will help you, but holy hell I am in Copenhagen and I have never been here and I have no idea where to go.
I did however looked the people around me and OMG, they are all blond with blue eyes. And beautiful, so beautiful. This country will be good for me I think.

I am sitting on a train now, on my way to the other side of the country where my course it. I managed to get till here. Last step in few hours. My friend Sylwia, who kindly took me to the airport, otherwise I would have really freaked out, said that I shouldn't worry cause »You are Nea and you are like a cat – no matter what you always land on all four«. And I suppose it's true. But hell I was freaking out nonetheless. I forgot how nervous and panicked travel arrangements make me. And then I sit on the plane I breathe in and out and I am ok again. All that stress for nothing. Ridiculous, but I never seem to learn.

And note to my future self: Never ever again travel with all this laugage. We can ship it and other people will carry this shit for you. Everthing hurts.

And another thing hit me when I was on the metro from the airport – people around me will not speak English anymore. They are gonna speak Dannish. I love being in an English speaking country, what the fuck.. Ok, I think it's time to realise I might be slightly freaking out again. But hey, I am on the right train, with all my belongings, and with functional brain. I shall be fine.

As for you Edinburgh – you were the scariest, hardest, most crazy place for me. But I have learnt a lot from you. I even think I might have grown up. I have learnt my lessons, and hard work. You made me a stronger person. Even a little more judgemental, haha. But I am glad we are over.

Moving on is never easy. Today it feels especially difficult. But an end of something means the beginning of something else. And in Edinburgh they thought me that new isn't scary, new is exciting!

Now, I am looking forward to my new adventure.
Until next time,

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