Destination: Happily Ever After #1

You have to leave the city of your comfort

and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

What you'll discover will be wonderful.

What you'll discover is yourself. ~ Alan Alda

London, kitchen, 12.11.2012

When I was standing on the airport of Trieste hugging my mother I wanted to be brave. Instead I was crying. I actually asked myself »why do you want this? And do you really want this?« Nonetheless I steped on that plane. I felt I needed to be brave. Like, thinking it and doing it will actually make me feel it. Whatever. I landed in London and I still couldn't believe I was actually there. Holy cow, I was in London. I came back home. I sat there, waiting for the bus and I felt empty. And nervous. I steped on the bus and I started thinking, God, this is awful. What on earth am I doing?! I started thinking about everything that could go wrong and I was on the edge. I was losing it. It took me half the way to the centre to actually calm down myself. Emotional mess. No other word for it. Fitting.

And then I came to the pub where we used to go when I lived here. And I felt like I've never left at all. Which was good and weird at the same time. I felt good about everything in that moment. Home.

When Emanuela came I was so happy to see her. I've missed her so much! And the Cider! Geeez, I missed the Cider. Then we went home. We had dinner and we talked about everything and I've met the new people from the house. It was actually great. And now I am sitting in the kitchen on the same chair, on the same pillow as one year ago and I feel so out of place. Like I don't belong at all. And it's scaring the shit out of me. What am I doing?

I want to feel safe again.

London, kitchen, 13.11.2012

Today I woke up and wow. I woke up in London, how cool is that? :D So, I went to take the tube. I thought I would be going to the Bank directly but then I decided against it. I wanted breakfast. So I went to Piccadilly Circus and stood amazed by it. No matter how much time has passed – Piccadilly Circus you're still my favourite place ever. And right in that moment the screen showed one of my favourite quotes ever, the one that got me to decide everything that I am doing now – Where there is a will, there is a way. Awww, this was fate!! I went to Tesco and picked up my favourite sandwich in the whole world – cheddar and tomato. Aww <3 And Orange juice. But I didn't want to eat on the street so I decided to go to Green Park. By foot. Huh. It's still far. Well, not that far. But to my astonishment people weren't sitting on the grass and taking the sun. Ugh, the grass was empty. What a disappointment. I went to a porch and I ate my breakfast. It was so nice. 

Then I went to the Bank. I was sitting there minding my own business and I started to worry my Bank counselor wasn't working anymore. I was starting to freak out, but ok. After 20 minutes of reading Deity, a person appeared around a corner and looked at me and I said in my typically Nea voice »Hi A. I've been waiting for you«. I could actually pointed the exact moment recognition flashed in his eyes. And he smiled. And everyone stared. Lol. And then he came to me and we made an appointment for 4.30PM. I got 3 hours to spare. I said ok. 

I went to Westminister. When I came out from the tube I looked up and a smile appeared on my lips at the full glory of the Big Ben. And it's still so so beautiful. I wanted a coffee. So I went hunting down a Costa coffee. I actually walked to freaking Waterloo for a damn Caramel Latte. Ugh. And they burned my milk. I was so pissed off. I know I complicate a lot but hell, I said I didn't want it to burn. And believe me the fucking Caramel Latte did burn like hell. And I looked at the girl at the counter and said: »If I haven't told you I didn't wanted it to burn, are you willing to bet this coffee wouldn't be that hot?!« She stared and said »It's not burning.« My palm burned when I touched the freaking travel mug. Idiots. And ofcourse when I tried it I burnt my tongue. Bitch. I was seriously pissed off. And I went back to Westminister. I walked to the long-river opposite Big Ben and sat on the porch. It was so good. My legs hurt actually after all day walking around. The coffee was cooling so that was good as well. I stared at the immensity of the Big Ben and I felt happy. I just love that spot. Then I started to read my book again. After a couple of hours it was getting colder so I decided to go the Bank. I came earlier, but when A saw he motioned me to come over. And so I went. Well, I need lots of stuff to be fixed :P 

He's gonna have a lot of work to do. And after half an hour of talking fun and business he passed me a note. I was stunned for a moment until understanding drawn. It was so sweet and I was so surprised that I said (quite laud) YES, YES!! And he said ok and that he takes off at 5.05PM. I said I would waited outside. And so we went to take a drink together. It was so cool! He to me to place called The Loom (I think) and we too the drinks are we talked. I felt happy. The whole day I was thinking that I don't know noone in this awfully big city and then this? Pure happiness spreaded in my chest. We had 2 drinks. He's really nice. And then after 2 hours and half we took off. 

We came to the Oxford Street and I stopped dead. Oh.My.God. The Christmas lights? In my whole life I haven't seen so many lights and they were just perfect <3 I was actually thinking of going home, but when I saw that, I was just like, no no, I am not going home, I am going to Piccadilly Circus by walk because this is an experience I want to remember and cherish it for the rest of my life. <3 I went to Tesco and picked a Strawberry Cider and went to sit on the statue on Piccadilly Circus and I was so happy about me, about life, about everything. 

London, kitchen, 14.11.2012

You can read the recap of the Breaking Dawn Red Carpet here. After the red carpet I went to Soho and it was hilarious!! The people there are really cool and funny. And noone looked at me funny because I was there :P

London, kitchen, 15.11.2012

God, I was so tired. But still I woke up and went to Woodgreen. I was chilling out. They I went to the Charity shop and I saw the perfect dress!! I needed something nice to wear on Friday night anyway. So I bought it. I love Charity shops!! They are so freaking cheap!! In the afternoon I went to Camden Town!! And it was completely awesome! There was a Christmas Chorus and they sang Christmas songs :) I've always wanted to see it in real! I drank Hot Cider – sounds weird but it was actually really good. Kind of reminds me Hot wine :P 

Then I went to Soho again to pick a Cider. What? It's cheaper :P While I was going there I passed Piccadilly Institute and a flash of longing hit me. I so wanted to go. So I asked the security guy how much was entry. And he said – it's free now. And I was like Oh my freaking god, yes!! I went to pick that Cider and came back. I missed that place like crazy! And it was exactly like I remembered it! I met some guys who bought me drinks and it was nice. And then I saw him. OMG he was so beautiful. And I was staring. Uh huh. Then I went to him. They just came from Germany to watch a concert the next day. M and P. God, this M guy looked like he was made for me. Damn the geography. But it was fun. We drank, we danced and we had fun :) And the chemistry was so perfect you could actually see sparkles flying around hehe :P Around 3AM they closed the Club and they went to the hotel and I went to the bus station. You've got to love N29 – Jesus, I forgot how funny and hilarious people are at this bus. All the strangest people are always on this bus. Lol. It was fun!

London, London Eye Hostel, 16.11.2012

I went to the hostel on Friday. Emanuela's boyfriend was coming so she couldn't host me for the weekend. The hostel was nice and I was so tired. So I decided to just lay in bed and read Deity in the afternoon. Around 6PM I started preparing myself. I was so excited!! And the dress fit me perfectly <3 I was a little, little self-conscious, but then I reminded myself that I was awesome and I took off. I came to the Verve at 7PM. When I saw Chris I was so happy!! I missed him like crazy!! <3 <3 And he was so happy to see me too <3 And then I saw Tom!! And everything felt so right and good and it felt like I've never left at all. I love these guys like crazy. I wanted Daniel to come too. Though Tom said he wasn't coming. I was just a tiny bit sad. But I was overwhelmed with everyone and Britbound rocks! 

After an hour we took off to another club. Don't really remember the name. I meet lots of Britbounders and they were all really nice. Sara was the one who was leading us everywhere. And we were at this club and the music was kind of laud but she came and said »This is the first club experience for this guy. Lets make it unforgettable for him!« And I was like »What do you want us to go and kiss him? Because I can go and kiss him.« (he was really cute btw) lol and she was like (stunned a bit) and said »go ahead«. HAHA, and I went. You should totally have seen the face of the guy after the kiss. He was kind of shocked :P And I said »Now you really won't forget this first club experience ever« hahaha. Yeah, I'm awesome, I know :P :P And everyone was just staring with their jaw on the floor and then they started cheering and the party was getting even better. Then we went at the Zoo – God, I love this place!! They have a pool too! So I danced! :D I got to talk to Chris a while and it felt so good. I really, really missed him <3 He's just so sweet <3 And after out time at the Zoo was up we gathered outside. I was talking to Tom and then I turned and my heart almost stopped. 

I think it actually did. When I saw him I was struck. And pure happiness spreaded in my chest. Daniel <3 OMG Daniel was there <3 <3 I was so happy! The night then was just perfect :) We hugged. God, I didn't want to let go ever. My favourite three boys were there <3 I was the happiest person alive in that moment, really. Then we went to another Club. We danced. And I got to dance with Daniel!! <3 And Tom. And on the pool :D There were some guys at the pool and when I arrived there were like »yeah, yeah go ahead« and I was think – wait and see. Hihi, you should have seen their jaw dropping on the floor when I started dancing :D :D Priceless, really ;) 

And finally we went to Piccadilly Insititute <3 It was crazy fun! And then I went with Daniel and Tom to a gay club. The funny thing? They didn't let me in!! Bastards. I was so pissed off. I felt discriminated. Ugh. But I said »Ok, I won't have a fight with the security«, although I wanted to. I wanted to stay with them … bad luck I guess? I went to Trafalgar Square to wait for the bus to the hostel and to my shock the bus stop wasn't really my bus stop. Uh huh, I called the hostel asking them to help me. God help me, they sent me to Charring Cross and I got so lost. I was walking around for almost half an hour and I was getting seriously pissed off. What the hell?! And then it strucked me. I lived here for 3 months and ofcourse I knew where I needed to go. It was the other side of the Trafalgar Square. So I went and guess what? 

The bus stop was there. I felt a rush of pride and in that moment I decided I wasn't scared anymore. I can totally take care of myself. I was free.

London, Wapping, Erin's place, 17.11.2012

I made arrangements to go to Erin's place on Saturday. Wasn't actually that hard to find :P She picked me up on the station and oh god, I was so incredibly happy to see her. I missed her like crazy!! And the funny thing? We are both brunettes now :D haha the last time we were both blonde :P We chatted a lot. About everything that happened in the past year and it felt so good. In the evening we started drinking, um, Gin-coke? Don't make that face, it's actually really good ;) And around midnight we went out :) 

We went to Leicester Square and from there we went to a Club I've never been to. But it was incredible! The music was awesome and the people were great! I danced a lot :) Around 3AM the club closed and we went home. Erin's bed? God, I would marry it if I could. And her blanket? Like sleeping on a cloud. Amazing! I want one like that too <3

London, Wapping, Erin's place, 18.11.2012

Uh huh. I woke up at 4PM. Geeez. Erin was hangover and I was so tired. So we decided to just chill on the couch the whole day. It felt amazing :) And I finished reading Deity ;)