April 18, 2013

I'm seriously losing it

Hello there.

My name is Nea and I think I'm losing it. Because seriously, how can things go so wrong all the time?!

I moved to freaking Scotland, because I said to myself "come on Nea, you'll go there, you'll get a job, start saving for University, learn more English and therefore do better on your IELTS exam, and you'll go study what you've always wanted". Aha. 

5 months later..
I have 2 jobs. Kind of. I work in a coffeeshop, that I am starting to hate everyday more. My other job is in an Italian restaurant - which I like - but I work one or maybe two- night per week. They did offer me a full time position - but god, 40minutes with the bus to get there?! I live in the centre, come on, shouldn't be so hard to get a job. Wrong.

My dear coffeeshop has employed me for a full time position. Noone ever said though, that my full time position will require only 25-30 hours per week. I was aiming to 40 + hours. Wrong again. So obviously, with a minimum wage, and the roof above my head to pay and eat and drink (which isn't much, but still) I can't really save for University. Hence, I am searching for a new full time job (which is kind f getting me nowhere).

My mood. God, my mood swings are worse than the ones of a person with a bipolar disorder. Now I'm in the mood of "I want to stay in bed for days". Awful. And I am constantly tired. Like really, tired. I have no energy to do anything. Or the will to do anything for the matter. It sucks.

I applied for fundings. My fingers are crossed that I will get a scholarship. Because seriously, with the pace I am going, I will damn sure need one. 

And I am so bored. So so bored. Even if I wanted to do something, I have no idea what in the world to do with myself. Yeah, I read and I love it, but to go out during the day? To do what exactly? Shopping? No money to spend on that - because I need to save for Uni. Go for a coffee and read? Yeah, but I work in a coffeeshop so the idea really isn't that appealing anymore.

My mom said to do something that I like or that makes me happy. Don't have any idea about that either. I have a feeling that everything that I want to do requires money. And I can't afford that - because I need to save. Geeez it's like a miserable circle. And I hate it.

For the past months, I've been kind of waiting for someone to save me. Anyone. Anything. But I gathered after a while, that noone can save me. Noone.

Waiting for better times,

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