October 2014 24-hour Read-A-Thon is here! :)

October 2014 24-hours Read-a-thon is here! :)

Hiii there!!

It's nice to see you all again. I've missed the last two read-a-thons unfortunately, due to my job. Working weekends sucks. So this year I was so so happy that I could participate again! I always have a great time with you guys! I was really excited for this, and then.. I got this big assignment for Uni which is due next week. And I was like "bummer". And then I got the idea!! I have to read a lot of articles regarding the clinical neuropsychology of frontotemporal dementia, and I figured I should do just that! As much as I wish I could read romance novels today.. I will read scientific articles. And the read-a-thon is the best way to keep me motivated and keep reading!

1) What fine part of the world are you reading from today?

Edinburgh, Scotland! And today is sunny, so that's a bonus.

2) Which book in your stack are you most looking forward to?

Uh. Scientific articles are.. complicated and boring sometimes. But I am hoping to learn everything there is and write an awesome report by tomorrow! Ok.. the first draft would work just fine. 

3) Which snack are you most looking forward to?

Coffee. Lots of coffee.

4) Tell us a little something about yourself!

My name is Nea. I come from Slovenia, but I've moved to Scotland in 2012. I am doing a Master in Psychology of Individual Differences. I am in my second year and so far so good. I work part time as well. I actually have to go to work for few hours later on, but no worries, I will be back as soon as I can :)

5) If you participated in the last read-a-thon, what’s one thing you’ll do different today?

The readathon will be a bit different for me this time around. My studies, unfortunately in this case, have priority. So, scientific articles will be a different kind of challenge. And I am planning to read them all. 

You can find me on twitter: @neabarabea

You can find me on Goodreads

Happy readathon people out there. I hope you are gonna have an incredible and unforgettable time. And good luck :) 

Being honest is the answer. Or it should be.

Beginnings, beginnings. 

You know the funny thing is that I thought that being honest from the start would make things ok. Apparently I was wrong. Or maybe I wasn't. If the other person was honest as well.. things might have been different. But they weren't. They aren't. And that sucks.

My sister always used to say that the beginnings are the best part of the relationship. And it's true. Everything is new and exciting and exhilarating and everything seems perfect. Sad thing is, I don't think I quite believe it anymore. Which makes me sad.

So, I met this guy. And when the night was over I told him that if he was searching for a one night stand the answer is no, I am not searching for that and if that was his intention, well the answer is no. And he said "Yeah I am not searching for that either". I was positively surprised to be honest. And we were texting each other and everything. It was quite nice. It lasted a week. And the day after, he was gone. As in like "text me later, ok?" And he disappeared. 

Which begs the question.. What the hell is going on?!

I can't help but wander, has this become a new mechanism of functioning in interpersonal relations in today's society? Let her believe that I am down to it and then just disappear? Because let me tell you right now, this isn't cool. Or ok. 

Because I beg to differ. Being honest from the beginning about what you want should be the point. As in like "yes, I totally want to commit to someone and see where it goes" or "No, I don't feel I am ready/not the right time/insert whatever you feel". That would be the right thing to do. And if you are confused about it, just say it. Do not lead someone to then just disappear. 

And this is the thing that pissed me off the most. If you tell me something then stay true to it. Or don't say it in the first place. Because honestly, you took away that choice from me. I will adapt to the situation. I will make choices based on the things that you tell me. And saying something that you don't really mean and then just ran off without saying a word totally takes that choice from me. Because I didn't really know, did I? How could have I?

So I am left with doubts, questions, and nonetheless, anger. I am angry. Because I thought we were heading into something. Until that someone decided we are not. Did I actually have a say in it? No. Is that ok? Fuck no.

My friend says it takes two people to do something. And I am like "Yeah, but I want to know what I am getting into". This isn't a bet where I am hoping to win. It's freaking reality and words which should count for something. I shouldn't be betting on someone not to coax me into something that I might want. I want someone to tell me how things actually are. I should be aware to a certain extend where this thing is going. Shouldn't I?

And you will say, it's complicated. Yes, it always is. But for fuck's sake, not like this. People should just be honest. It would solve so much. So so much. Because, really, with all the toys in the world, people shouldn't play with other people's emotions. 

I am not sure I put this down the way I wanted it, or if it's understood the way I want it to be. But this is how I feel and that's just it.

Until next time,

Dreams of being someone, reality of just being

And I am back in UK. Full of hopes and possibilities and new beginnings.

Ha. You know, maybe I should stop thinking that every really "developed" country is the best country to be. Maybe, just maybe I should start considering that every country is the same and that things are simply not as they used to be 20 years ago. Even though I wish they were. 

I am working in this restaurant. I decided that I won't go back to my old job and just find a new one, where they treat me as a human being and not as a machine. It was nice at the beginning. But today.. 13 hours shift. Holy shit, wasn't I running from this kind of stuff? I was. And obviously I ran toward the same shit. 

After a break of almost 2 months.. it was hard. And today everyone seemed stressed. I was too. I was trying to keep in mind that I love the floor and that everything is great but after almost 6 hours my brain fried up. Literally. I couldn't concentrate anymore, I was just bad. Needed a break for 10 minutes and I took it. Wrong move apperently.

Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes is sooo busy that you just can't. But like I said after almost 6 hours I was going insane. And still, I got told off.

All this got me thinking why I was so mad in the first place. You know, I always talk about how I hate society today. And I do. But today again I got this revelation while cleaning tables. Why am I cleaning tables when I have a degree and half of my master degree?! Why don't I do things that actually matter and help people?

The answer is actually quite simple. It's easy to get a job and it's good money. Because lets face it, who has the time and money to search for a proper job when the applications take you at least an hour or two to make and then you never hear back from them?! It's just annoying. 

And then at one moment I found myself almost crying because really? Do I need to do this kind of job? Shouldn't I be a psychologist in an office trying to solve people's problems?Whatever they are. Am I not studying for this? 

And all the time this thing kept playing out in my head.. What a sad world I was born into? I want cry for each and every one of us who are living in this sad excuse of a world we've been born into. They say knowledge is everything, and yet.. here I am. Willing to learn, willing to work hard just to have an actual purpose in life. To be given a chance to prove myself. With my knowledge and not just my ability to make an awesome coffee.

We are young, we are willing to learn, we are willining to work hard. All we need is a chance. Just a chance. 

But I guess capitalism isn't into chances. It's into people who know already what they are doing and how the system works. And here is where young people loose the battle. 

Until next time,

The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey Review

The 5th Wave 

The fifth Wave #1

by Rick Yancey

Published on May 7th 2013

Putman Juvenile, 480 pages

After the 1st wave, only darkness remains. After the 2nd, only the lucky escape. And after the 3rd, only the unlucky survive. After the 4th wave, only one rule applies: trust no one.

Now, it’s the dawn of the 5th wave, and on a lonely stretch of highway, Cassie runs from Them. The beings who only look human, who roam the countryside killing anyone they see. Who have scattered Earth’s last survivors. To stay alone is to stay alive, Cassie believes, until she meets Evan Walker.

Beguiling and mysterious, Evan Walker may be Cassie’s only hope for rescuing her brother—or even saving herself. But Cassie must choose: between trust and despair, between defiance and surrender, between life and death. To give up or to get up.

- Goodreads.com description

"Don't you get it yet? The minute we decide that 

one person doesn't matter anymore, they've won."

The 5th wave is a book I've been meaning to read for a while now. And I am very happy I finally got around to it. And well, I kind of wished I would have read this sooner. This book is awesome!

Alien invasion!! Scary shit, but this book put the scary to a complete new level. 7 billion people died. I cannot even comprehend how big this number is. And not knowing anymore who is the enemy and how isn't was even scarier. 

Cassie is an incredible heroine. She is fierce and strong and she doesn't give up. She made promise to her brother and she has to live up to it. She has to. So she keeps surviving even when the odds are really bad. 

Ben Parish. The sweet football star boy. Becoming a soldier and ready to fight the enemy. But who is the enemy, really? 

This book is written in different points of view. Sometimes it was hard to understand what's going on. Actually, till more than half of the book I still didn't know who the actual enemy was. Intriguing. 

Overall though, I wish there was more to the story. I had a feeling this book was just a pre-sequel to the actual story. The battlefield is laid out and the big battle is yet to begin. I am looking forward to read the sequel. 

Fans of dystopia and post apocalyptic stories will love The 5th wave. I know I did.

Third Degree by Julie Cross Review

Third Degree 

by Julie Cross

Published on March 25th 2014

Flirt, 240 pages

Fans of Monica Murphy and Tammara Webber will savor this New Adult novel—a story about coming of age in the heat of the moment—from Julie Cross, the internationally bestselling author of the Tempest trilogy.

I used to be “Isabel Jenkins, child prodigy.” As lame as that sounds, at least it was an identity. But now I’m not sure what I am. I just failed the most important exam of my life—the emotional readiness test required to get into a medical residency program—and it turns out my parents can’t stand each other. Now I’m trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces of my life, and that means re-enrolling as a college freshman, but this time I’m shutting the books and majoring in being eighteen.

But so far, my roommate hates me and I’m not into the party scene. The only good thing about school has been getting to know my insanely hot RA. Marshall Collins makes me wonder about everything I missed while I was growing up too fast. Pretty soon we’re hanging out constantly, but for the first time, I find myself wanting more than a no-strings-attached physical relationship. And the lesson I really need is one Marsh definitely can’t teach me: love. Because I’m going to be alone forever if I don’t learn fast.

- Goodreads.com

Woah, this book was really something different. And all this has to go to the badass main character. Izzy is SUPER smart. As in credibly smart. Her mind was an incredible place to be. So many informations, so many statistics and probabilities and haha, awkwardness when it came to interpersonal relations. It was funny.

Izzy is 18 and she is a doctor. She is super smart, but emotionally she is.. well, very particular. When she fails the emotional readiness exam and her dream of the medical residency program falls in the water, she is lost. Then she decides to go to College again. To live in campus and do ordinary things like peers her age. The challenge of her life.

Marsh is a sweet guy. Attentive, caring and nice. He is also hiding a secret. A secret that will connect him to Izzy even more.

This story was a fresh thing in the New Adult genre. It was something different and I really enjoyed that. This book is about figuring out who you are, coming of age, falling in love and finding out what is really important in life. So, if you are searching for something like this.. Third degree is the perfect book for you!

The Geography of You and Me by Jennifer E. Smith Review

The Geography of You and Me 

by Jennifer E. Smith

Published on April 15th 2014

Poppy, 337 pages

Lucy and Owen meet somewhere between the tenth and eleventh floors of a New York City apartment building, on an elevator rendered useless by a citywide blackout. After they're rescued, they spend a single night together, wandering the darkened streets and marveling at the rare appearance of stars above Manhattan. But once the power is restored, so is reality. Lucy soon moves to Edinburgh with her parents, while Owen heads out west with his father.

Lucy and Owen's relationship plays out across the globe as they stay in touch through postcards, occasional e-mails, and -- finally -- a reunion in the city where they first met.

A carefully charted map of a long-distance relationship, Jennifer E. Smith's new novel shows that the center of the world isn't necessarily a place. It can be a person, too.

- Goodreads.com description

I absolutely love Jennifer E. Smith's books!! Her writing and her stories are so unique and sweet and special. Everytime she writes another book I cannot wait to get my hands on it. Her unique covers and long titles are adorable.

This story is about a boy and girl who met in New York during a blackout of electricity in the city. They spend the night together under the sky full of stars talking about life, places, themselves. They connect. And then they go separate ways.

Lucy is a sweet, quiet girl. Her parents leave her alone most of the time because they travel a lot. She loves to explore the city of New York. But she also deeply desires to travel the world. Finally her dreams come true. Her family is moving to England! 

Owen's mother passed away. It is only his father and him. They are having a roadtrip through US, because his dad has troubles finding work. Owen feels responsible for his dad, because the passing of his mother was a huge tragedy for both of them. And they are trying to cope best as they can. 

It was so so sweet how Lucy's story and Owen's story kept entwining in the story. They send each other postcards of every city they've been in. Sending sweet short messages to each other. So very sweet. I loved it! 

The Geography of you and me is filled with hope, wishes, loss, changes and everything in between. I would recommend it to every young (and not so young) adult out there.